A Final Goodbye
by Tazbb12
Summary: One Shot slightly AU my take on what I would like to believe happened after Alex's mom died.


I will get the next chapter of Pursued up in the next couple of days but until then a little one shot changing how it all went down with Alex's mom dying.

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ALEX POV

I sit in the empty room trying to pull myself together, although today that was an impossible task. In less than thirty minutes I would be saying my final goodbye to the only person in this world that truly loved me. The last week was without a doubt the worst week of my life, I honestly didn't know if I would survive this one. When I actually took a moment to think about everything that happened my stomach would flip and I found myself dry heaving into an empty waste basket.

"Alex, we will be ready in a few minutes. Some friends are gathering outside," a priest said stepping into the room.

I nod my head still unable to trust my voice. This can't be happening, less than a week ago my life was perf…well my life was good. One day…in one day my girlfriend left and my mother died. People were not made to sustain this kind of loss and pain…my heart actually felt like it was shattered.

"A life is like a church built on the foundation of family supported by the load barring arches of friends and co-workers and filled with love. Diane's life like all our lives was defined by the love and generosity she showed to others from the homeless she served Thanksgiving dinner to at the local shelter to the rescues dogs she raised with patients and care…to the love she had for her daughter Alex the world traveler of whom she was so proud," I hear the priest speak.

I do not know how I made it to the grave site or was able to hold the debilitating pain inside, but that last line broke me. My legs were barely keeping me standing as I just wanted to crumple into a ball on the ground. I know without a doubt my mother loved me, in her eyes I could do no wrong. While she might have been proud of me, I wasn't sharing those feelings at the moment.

My mom did everything in her power to make sure I had everything I needed growing up. She worked so hard just to scrape by and I didn't want that for her anymore. I could stand here and say I did what I did because it allowed me to support my mom, but that wouldn't be the whole truth. Sure, it started that way but the money and power quickly consumed me. I spent months at a time traveling the world, sparring a few minutes to call my mom every time I changed countries. There was so much time missed that I would never get back.

"The world is a better place for Diane and although she has left us her legacy of love will live on. Is there anything anyone would like to add?"

I want to scream yes. I want to scream she was more than this, more than a friendly face at the homeless shelter and more than a rescuer of dogs…she was my mom, she was Superwoman. In that moment, I could do nothing but shake my head, proving yet again why my mother shouldn't have been proud of me.

Even though we are outside I feel like I couldn't breathe. The gates confining the cemetery were like constrictions around my lungs, I had to get out of there. I exit the black melt gates and just start walking having no real destination in mind. I try to take a deep and clear my head but all I feel is pain and confusion.

"Hey."

I turn and see Fahri pull up behind me in his BMW.

"Need a ride?"

"Fahri," I asked now more confused than ever? "What are you doing here?"

I was in my home town dealing with my mother's death and he was from my work world…I never mixed the two. He might have been the last person I expected to see today.

"Get in," he said nodding to the passenger seat.

I'm not sure if that was a request or a demand, but I walk around to the other side of the car and slip into the passenger seat. I expected him to drive away, but the car remained in park as he looked at me.

"Want a bump," he asked holding up a vile of clear liquid?

I must have looked like a total mess, but that is how I felt. I had never done heroin before but for the first time in my life I was thinking about it. The pain was too real and I just wanted to make it stop.

"Get out of the car Alex!"

I whip around so fast I am certain I would feel it tomorrow. Now this was the truly the last person I thought I would see today.

"Piper?"

"Get out of the car Alex," she demanded.

I don't even look back at Fahri before getting out of the car. Piper doesn't say anything as she escorts me to her car, gets me in the passenger seat, gets behind the wheel herself and takes off.

"Piper what are you doing here? Where are we going?"

"Not yet."

I have so many questions but I am clearly not going to get those answers right now. It wasn't long before we are pulling into a hotel and head inside. Piper must have previously checked in because we bypassed the lobby and headed straight for the elevators. If she already checked in that meant she was already here…and there would only be one reason for her to be here. As if I wasn't already confused! Once inside her room she directs me to the couch and makes me a drink which I quickly gulp down. She smirks and makes me another one.

"Make this one last we could be a while," she informs me.

"What are we even doing here Piper? What are you doing here?"

Piper sighed and paced in front of me trying to figure out what to say. I hadn't seen or talked to her since she left Paris a week ago.

"I love you Alex."

"You have a pretty funny way of showing it."

"Can you please let me get through this?"

I just nod for her to proceed.

"I was such an asshole and I don't blame you for hating me. My whole life has been made to look perfect and any imperfections were swept under the rug hidden away, never to be seen or dealt with. I grew up surrounded by people that never dealt with anything so when something bad happened no one talked about it and poof it never happened."

I knew she grew up in a WASPy environment but I didn't fully realize the level of delusion she was surrounded by until that moment.

"I compartmentalize to make myself feel better and when I can't fix something I run so the problem doesn't exist anymore. I love you Alex and it broke me to see you in so much pain and I could do nothing to make it better."

"You being there would have made it better," I practically yell.

"I know," she said sadly. "I was there today for the service and the burial," she informs me.

I was a little surprised as I didn't see her at the church and didn't see her at the grave site until I was walking away.

"I didn't want to upset you anymore than you already where so I stayed back. Alex, I know I can't fix things but for the first time in my life I don't want to run. Life isn't perfect…it is messy and ugly and it hurts but I want to be there for every tear and heart-breaking moment. I want to be there for you…I want us to be there for each other so that maybe life hurts just a little less."

I listen to Piper pour her heart out before me. I look down at my drink and swirl the amber liquid around the clear glass before quickly swallowing the rest.

"It hurts so much," I barely get out.

In an instant, Piper is by my side pulling me in close and letting me cry. For a week, the tears had come, but I never felt safe enough to let it all out. My soft tears turned into harsh sobs and Piper just stayed and rubbed my back. She might not have felt like she was doing much, but it was everything to me.

I cry for over an hour until I literally have no tears left to cry. I feel Piper's arms give me a gentle squeeze and her lips brush across my temple. Even in all my pain I am comforted by her presence.

"I didn't know how I was going to make it to tomorrow…Fahri offered me…"

"I know," she said so I didn't have to finish that sentence.

"It just hurt so much it feels like my heart is shattered and just keeps falling apart."

"I never lost someone close to me before. I wish I had words that would make it better but I have a feeling even if I knew that kind of pain words would be of little comfort."

"The comfort comes from knowing I am not alone. The comfort comes from being able to release this pain inside me and know I am safe."

"I am never leaving you again," she said pulling me closer.

"I feel like such a failure. I was globetrotting without a care in the world wasting so much time…"

"Alex, you couldn't have known this was going to happen. Your mom was so happy for you…off doing your own thing."

"I was working for a drug cartel."

"Yeah, ok so you're not going to be invited to any career days," she smiled and for a moment the pain leaves. "But she loved that you got to see the world. I would talk to her you know."

"You did," I asked a little surprised?

"Uh-huh. I would text her pictures, send her postcards from us and call her."

I didn't think I had any tears left in me but I felt one trickle from my eye.

"Every phone call ended with tell my girl I love her and can't wait to hear what country she hops to next. She never left New York and lived vicariously through us. I would tell her some stories of our adventures while you were working."

"I never knew that."

"It was kind of our thing. I had to reminder her a couple times I already loved you and she didn't need to sell me on the idea…she spoke so highly of you how brave you are, how smart you are, how badass you are," she said brushing her fingers against my cheek.

I let out a laugh, I never thought I would laugh again.

"My mom did not call me badass."

"Ok, so I might have used a more colorful word but the sentiment is true."

I smile knowing Piper was speaking the truth.

"Her place was in New York, she was happy there. Did you ever wonder why she continued to work even after she didn't have to?"

"I guess so yeah. I would tell her all the time she could stop."

"Being a waitress allowed her to meet so many different people…some coming in just for a cup of coffee others needing more. When you have nothing or when you are having a truly shitty day getting a warm meal and a friendly smile can change everything. She took pride in her work serving people one smile at a time."

"That is honestly the most corny thing I have ever heard and it is sooo Diane," I smile for the first time thinking about it.

For a while we stay cuddled on the couch reminiscing about our adventures and speculated about what Diane would have thought. Piper mixed in some more stories about her calls with my mom and I could feel little pieces of my heart begin to heal.

"I know it is going to hurt for a while baby and I will be here whenever you need to cry or rage. It is going to take some time to adjust to this new reality but you are not alone. We will tackle this together."

"I love you Piper," I said leaning up to kiss her.

"Hmm dried snot is not sexy," she laughs scrunching up her nose.

"Oh no," I laugh. "It's not your thing."

"Nope, not sexy at all," she laughs.

It is true what they say, "if you're going through hell just keep going." I was still in hell but I could see a way out and knew Piper would be with me every step of the way.


End file.
